Monday, March 13, 2006

Squeaky Clean

When I was younger (ahem, a year ago) and I still lived with my parents, I was perfectly content with having the carpet on the floor in my room covered with items ranging anywhere from mateless socks to paper plates with dried soy sauce on them to unopened cans of chicken noodle soup. I actually found things I needed with more precision than if my room was tidy. My mom used to complain.

"How do you LIVE in this mess," she would inquire.
"What mess?" I would innocently ask (really, it looked fine to me).

With a curled upper lip she'd glare at me and direct me to "clean it up...NOW". Because I will never rid the Fear of my Mother which was instilled in me from birth, I would do as I was told. However, it would only be a matter of days before the tornado would come gusting through with stronger force, tossing about old college notes and high school cheerleading megaphones. When we couldn't find my dog for 2 days, at the end of which we discovered her buried beneath a pile of "clean" clothes under which I had been sleeping for about 2 weeks, I acknowledged there was a problem. But still, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I was addicted to the mess.

Now, a year later, I find myself in a completly different situation. I can't STAND to have mismatched shoes leading me from my living room to my bedroom closet. The sight of dried toothpaste in my sink makes me gag a little, and we can all agree that that's not the most pleasant reflex when you're gargling with your Scope. And don't get me started on the dishes in my sink (that's right, I went old school and said "don't get me started". It helps if you say it out loud and with a head swivel and finger wag).

What is even more bizarre than my incessant need to keep my apartment organized (probably because it's the size of my closet back at my parent's house, but I digress) is then hour at which I choose to clean. It's normally at about 11PM, after Family Guy, and right at my prime bedtime. I just can't help myself...I must get that dried soup off of my stove burners, or so help me, I'll lay in bed sleepless just thinking about how dirty it looks and how, the longer I wait, the more stubborn the spot will become. But wait, there's more. Not only do I clean late at night, oh no, it doesn't stop there. It's like Lays Potato Chips with me and cleaning: I can't do just one (okay, so it's a modified saying, but I was trying to make a comparison, just cut me some slack).

Last night had me Liquid Plumbering my bathtub drain (I swear, how I still have hair on my head remains a mystery to me). After that, I scrubbed my toilet. Then I swept. Which lead to vaccuming. Then came the hangers, oh gosh, the hangers. I hung up clothes like no one has ever hung up clothes before. From there, the rest is a blur. All I know is I woke up this morning with a squeaky clean toilet lid and my remaining hangers sorted by color and type in my closet. Frankly, I'm worried.

Tonight, I impulsively filed my bill receipts. In chronological order. Then...then I used my paper shredder.

This is a cry for help, people. I'm ready. I'm ready for some much needed help.

Insignificance Conveyed @ 9:07 PM   14 GabbyGabbers

14 "Sure was sweet of you to drop in":

At 6:17 AM, Blogger Curly "told me"

You'll be okay until you reach the point where you screech at someone for putting a fingerprint on an item of cutlery.

You own a shredder? That's hardcore.

At 7:33 AM, Blogger trishy "told me"

We have something in common my friend. I, too, tend to clean late at night. I'm sure the people below me (you can relate, cause I know you're on the third floor as well) appreciate me vacuuming the carpet at 11:00pm. I bet they appreciate it even more when I vacuum the bathroom floor (I'm a massive hair shedder too) because that is REALLY loud.

What really stuck out to me was the bit about hanging up clothes. My closet always has a huge pile of clothes in it. I mean like 2-3 feet high. Rich laughs becuase I totally know what's clean and what's dirty. Every few weeks I take on the task of hanging every last item. I pick up the huge pile in a few handfuls, complete with hangers stuck in the muck (and ruining my clothes if the truth is known) place it on my bed and begin hanging it item by item. It's embarassing to admit how long this takes. Does this sound familiar?

At 11:41 AM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

I did something similar but very very not at all similar last night. I went to WalMart at 11:30 in the peem (peem as opposed to aim, you know) and did not leave until I had procured an absurdly large tub of liquid laundry detergent and the biggest bottle of 409 I've ever seen, and some paper towels. And when I got home, I was completely satisifed. SO much so, in fact, that I went straight to bed without even putting my new purchases away.

I don't know what you call that.

I just got a wild hair up my ass about needing MORE CLEANSERS. Any actual cleaning of my apartment that may result would be a lucky coincidence.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger MarkD60 "told me"

When I was a kid, I was the same, I couldn't find anything in a neat room, Now I'm still the same!
My girlfriend is on me about fing shoey (sp?) and wants me to change everything.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger trishy "told me"

come on now mark, at least spell it right even if you don't give a damn

At 2:32 PM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

Oh no. Even when it's spelled right it's still not spelled right.

Ain't this a funny cioncidence...

At 2:34 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake "told me"

Well, first of all, where's the dog?

At 6:50 AM, Blogger Cleavers "told me"

My dad would tell you that I am the messiest person around. The thing is, I haven't lived with my parents for 12 years. I'm now chronically tidy. The idea of moving into my own place is so exciting for me as it means I can keep THE WHOLE PLACE TIDY and not just my room.

Now, THAT's sad.

At 2:39 AM, Blogger Jona "told me"

Lol, just wait till you're living with someone with different habits (I'm still learning to cope twenty years on!), and then the kids come and you'll discover you've turned into your mother ;o)

p.s please tell me you weren't hoovering at 11 at night... your neighbours will hate you!!

At 4:46 AM, Blogger Simon Swinbank "told me"

I get like that. I have to clean the dust off my TV at least twice a day and clean my reading glasses evn if I haven't had them out of the case.

I tend to clean the kitchen whilst watching the simpsons at about 7pm alot.

At 4:48 AM, Blogger Simon Swinbank "told me"

And god help anyone who mess the alphabetical order on my card game trades folder unless they're getting an agreed trade out....

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Dancinfairy "told me"

I have a pathological fear of cleaning.

At least that is what I tell people so I don't have to do it.

My bedroom was totally the same when I was growing up. But my favourite line was "Ask me where anything is and I will find it straight away" and it was true. Hairbrush? Under the third pile of clean clothes at the end of the bed.

I am getting better I I HATE doing it!

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Nic "told me"

How 'bout you spread some of that OCD and come up to the Big D to clean my apt.?! I know I never post anything, so I just wanted to say hi. Wish you were here!

At 12:34 PM, Blogger Chris "told me"

I bought some dandruff shampoo the other day. I have dry scalp. It's embarassing - especially when I wear black shirts.


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