Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Eyes Really Are Green

Is jealousy instinctual? Can you truthfully say "I'm not a jealous person" and have people not scoff in your face?

As demented as this sounds, I used to like when my boyfriends would get jealous of other guys paying attention to me (although it didn't happen that often). To me, and again, this is just my opinion, I think a small amount of jealousy can have the potential to be a reassuring factor in relationships:

"My ex called me up this afternoon out of the blue and wants to have dinner with me. He says there's something he really needs to talk to me about."

"Okay, well, I'm not going to tell you you can't go, although that's what I want to do most. I will say that I'm uncomfortable with that, and will ask that you please come back and talk to me as soon as you're done so I know you haven't left me for him."

This mock conversation could give you some insight as to what I mean. Secretly, I'd be beaming a bit that my current love cared enough about me to NOT want to lose me to some ex-thing I'd long since forgotten. "Oh good," I think to myself, "he still likes me enough to keep me as his own."

Right, right. Feminists world-wide have just muttered "weak-willed soul" in unison, but hey, call me old-fashioned. I LOVE the idea of belonging to someone, being his own. Equally, they are mine. I'm not an independent soul forever. I'm just waiting around until someone worthy enough claims me and keeps me.

I, therefore, view a moderate amount of jealousy as a good sign that your relationship is worth something. However, when that "moderate" amount starts to make its way into the "heavy" category, that's when you can truly botch things up.

I will admit that I am a jealous person. Not crazy-I-will-stab-you-bitch-if-you-even-so-much-as-look-at-my-boyfriend jealous or anything. There's just that jealous bone in my body. Someone pointed out to me that this may be a result of confidence issues; I think that's a possibility, but combine it with insecurities and sprinkle some trust issues from past ass boyfriends*, and I think that's a better explanation as to why I twinge at the mention of other girls' names at times. Whatever it is, it's there, and I have got to learn to control it.

I'm one of those girlfriends that can find a reason to be jealous for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I trust the guy ("sure you do," you're thinking), but I KNOW the inner-workings of a female mind. Hell, I've worked some magic in my days by being that manipulative-but-seemingly-innocent girl who gets in the middle of something she could clearly keep her nose out of.

I'm not saying that guys are oblivious to this, or that they're too naive to notice when a girl fancies him. What I am saying is that, since I know how it works all too well, I have a strong tendency to see things that aren't there, create situations in my head that haven't even happened and will never happen. And because of this, I think I am a good candidate as one of "those" girls who needlessly sabotages a good, neigh, GREAT thing.

Time to reign in that green-eyed monster. I think now I can throw those trust issues out the window, and accept that I will, one day, be somebody's everything. They will want for nothing more.

*Some, not all

Insignificance Conveyed @ 10:22 AM   9 GabbyGabbers

9 "Sure was sweet of you to drop in":

At 11:16 AM, Blogger fracturedfanatic "told me"

One of my ex-boyfriends told me that I was so jealous that he knew he could never have a female friend. Owww... I had no clue I had gotten that bad. I've definitely loosened up but honestly, I don't think I could be with a man who had a woman for a best friend. I just know how devious they are!!!

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

I feel the same way as you, Mo. I know what guys do, and some girls honestly don't see it.

I've had the conversation with my girlfriend plenty of times. The one that goes: (HER)We're just friends! Why do you CARE if I go over to his house until 2 in the morning and get drunk when it's just the two of us alone?!?

It's a valid question, to be sure, but when I see a situation like like, I think to myself, how can you just expect me to be OK with that??

And I've been wrong before. Which makes me feel stupid, but what I really hate is when I'm right. Because it just gives me permission to get jealous more often.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Lauren "told me"

The Cap'n and I were talking about this recently--but more in regards to celebrity crushes. I used to get jealous of Norah Jones b/c my ex was a big fan. . .what a nerd I am! :)

But in all seriousness, relationships and humans are just complicated and twisted sometimes. . .we're all suspicious of each other and untrusting, even when we KNOW we're loved and treasured. Ugh. I agree, though, that a hint of jealousy only means that your relationship is highly valued.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger chrissie "told me"

Lauren - I feel you on the celebrity crushes thing; my boy gets all offended when I refer to Justin Timberlake or Tim McGraw as my bf or husband. (What??)

Some jealousy is a good thing, but there is definitely a line differentiating between healthy jealousy and jealousy that leads to controlling behavior.

At 12:11 AM, Blogger anna "told me"

Moh (shall I call you this now? For some reason, it really seems to fit you),
All these blogs are really forthright and well-written (und funny, yah)! It seems like your circle of blogging chums, like, spurs you on to mine your soul for good topics...and stuff. Yizzeah.
My two cents is that I don't think jealousy is good at all. The times I've been most jealous of others (esp. my hot close friends, wink wink) was because I was insecure and struggling with ginormous personal issues. Maybe this isn't what you're talking about, but I know for me, the further jealousy is from me, the happier I am.

At 3:11 AM, Blogger Curly "told me"

I was once accused of not being jealous enough...?

You can't wins sometimes!!

At 12:01 PM, Blogger Jona "told me"

It’s the strangest thing ever – but I stopped feeling any jealously when I married my BH. Before that I was a tad highly strung ;o)

And I’ve always believed feminism to be about the choice – to choose to belong to someone is a feminist act, so long as it’s your choice (but this is just my opinion, and what I chose ;o))

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Thomas "told me"

Does anyone else here think jealousy gets a bad rap?

At 11:25 AM, Blogger Simon Swinbank "told me"

Damn right jealously is reassuring. It means they are still in that "You're mine and only mine" phase, which means that they are less likely to cheat on you because they clearly are still paranoid they you'll cheat on them, sending them on an emotional voyage into doubt, depression and alround misery.
Sorry I've had to be really cheery over the past few days so unfortunately I'm at my doom merchanty best. I'm sorry.


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