Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Sad But True (and Damn Funny!)

In light of the incredibly pissy mood I have been in as of late, I figured I would lighten up the vibe and bestow upon you, my readers, one of those, “You Know You’re … When…” Lists. So, I give to you:

YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN / FROM SAN ANTONIO WHEN…


· You see 300 pound person wearing spandex with nothing else covering them.
· When attending 1 year old’s birthday party, a keg is tapped and the police are called.
· The maternity section of your local department store has prom dresses.
· You've never been to the Alamo.
· You used to live in a neighborhood you wouldn't even drive through now.

· There has been a road crew on your street since before the Alamodome was built.
· Your idea of culture is wearing a Spurs T-shirt.
· You're starting to think the construction on Loop 410 and I-10 is "pretty".
· You have 3 rodeo outfits but never have been on a horse.
· Your Anglo mother learned how to make tamales and menudo from your neighbors.
· You went to get breakfast tacos at Taco Cabana on Christmas morning.
· You had an elephant ride at the zoo. (hell yes I did!)
· You know all about the "Dancing Diablo" and the "Donkey Lady”.
· Someone in your family has worked for H-E-B.

· You know 1604 is also known as the "death loop".
· You've ordered Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant.
· You take your vacation during Fiesta week.
· You know how to get to the "Ghost Tracks" from anywhere in town.
· You think a healthy drink is a Margarita without salt.
· You're an expert with the brake pedal, but you have no idea what a blinker is.
· You do your grocery shopping at a flea market.
· You think local politicians are crooks, but you still do not vote.
· You have a "Selena Lives" bumper sticker on your car.
· A formal occasion is getting a glass with your longneck.

· You're elementary field trip was to the Butter Crust Bakery. (again, hell yes it was!)

(and my personal favorite…)
· Your lowrider has twice the value of your home.

I must credit these websites
and my local radio station for not only giving me the idea to post this, but also providing some of the incredibly sad but true statements. Many of you will not know what a lot of these mean, but trust me, to a native San Antonian, they’re funny as hell. Have a great day everybody!

Insignificance Conveyed @ 6:59 AM   12 GabbyGabbers

12 "Sure was sweet of you to drop in":

At 8:51 AM, Blogger Lauren "told me"

heck yes! I love SA, girl. I've actually wanted to live there for a long time. *sigh* Have a super Thanksgiving! We should hang out soon. . .we can go to the River Walk when Christmas decorations are up! I've never been during Christmas and I've always wanted to. Ooooh, now I'm getting excited!!

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger Who is this Dave? "told me"

You know you're from England when most of what you wrote there didn't make any sense to me!

But I'm sure it's a wonderful place.

(That's British irony.)

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Me Over Here "told me"

Lauren! I just had a most wonderful idea! My Brit boyfriend will be down for 2 weeks at the end of December/early January (he is a fellow blogger as well!) Maybe you could come down then or we can come to you and hang out!!!

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Jona "told me"

I didn't get most of those, but I remember staying at the Youth Hostel in San Antonio and visiting the Alamo! I can also recall I got the most mosquito bites EVER, after drinking at some river area one night!!

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Me Over Here "told me"

Jona--Teehee, you were probably eating at the Riverwalk...we sure do love our 'skitos down here. Sorry about that!

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

I'm not too sure how many of those are unique to San Antonio...(which I remember only as "The City Where Pee Wee's Bike Wasn't".)

I mean, totally! If you see rednecks, bad driver, and lots of immigrants.. you gotta be in San Antonio.

You want culture? Come to Winston-Salem, the city named after not one but TWO brands of cigarettes*.



(*Marlboro and Newport)

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Chris "told me"

That's San Antonio? Sounds a lot like Lexington, North Carolina to me. And I've always said, in reference to the first item, that spandex is a privelege, not a right.

And Mayor!
How dare you not know which two brands of cigarettes this fine city of Winston-Salem is named after! And I'm not referring to Prince Albert in a can (well, you'd better let him out!). No sir, I'm referring to the one and only Lucky Strikes!

 
At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Kristen "told me"

Hey I read Lauren's comment and I wanted to say be careful if you go to the riverwalk. Apparently there has been a lot of gang activity there. Whatever happened to gangs being out on the street shooting each other? Now they're in Gap bitch-slapping each other over a pair of lowrise jeans. Talk to you soon! Happy Thankgsgiving Lanettey!

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger Me Over Here "told me"

Thanks for the head's up Kristen.

I will SO shoot you over those faux fur mittens, too, bitch.

(Um, kidding, everyone. She knows that...right, Kristen? RIGHT?)

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

Capn!

How dare YOU sir!

If fisticuffs will settle this, then have at you!!!

 
At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Kristen "told me"

I know no such thing Lanette. You are dead to me.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger Simon Swinbank "told me"

Make a few minor changes and you could be describing Middlesbrough, England. I'll probably do a similar post about Middlesbrough. so cheers for the idea!

 

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