Monday, October 24, 2005

Only I Could Ruin Mother's Day

Now, I know some of you have heard this story before, so read or don't, it's your choice. But events from this weekend have (unfortunately) brought this memory to the forefront of my mind. So here you go:

How I Ruined Mother's Day of 2004: by MOH.

It started off like every other Mother's Day, yeah? Woke up, made the Mom breakfast, lounged around for the day, had an early dinner, did the presents thing. All was well. My parents and I (yes, I was still living with them at the time, sue me, I was in grad school and poor!) had decided that there was no better way to top off the evening than with a nice movie from our neighborhood Blockbuster. I volunteered to get the movie whilst my mom and dad visited my Grandma and Grandpa to distribute other Mother's Days presents.

Now, something you have to understand about my mother is this: When she give you a time frame, for anything, it is statistically proven that she will be at LEAST an hour later than promised. Example: When Mom goes to Walmart to "pick up a few things" and she says she'll be back for dinner at 6PM, you know not to even start cooking until 8PM. And she will SWEAR to you that she's sticking to her shopping list ("I'm only going in for trash bags, fertilizer, and Vanilla Cokes"), but then come back with 26 bags full to the brim of groceries. "Well, I HAD to do a quick run down each aisle...." she'll try to explain. It is a pattern we have all come to know very well, and despite her best efforts to convice us otherwise, we know she'll never change.

Such was my thinking on this fateful day.

"Well, Mom and Daddy will be gone at LEAST an hour", I reasoned with myself, "I can go visit Holly's mom and wish her a very quick Happy Mother's Day." So, off I went in Little Red, to do a quick "how do!" then scurry back home for the movie and some cake.

When I pulled up to Holly's parent's house, I left my cell phone in the car because I knew it would be a quick visit. We did our great big hug hello, then she invited me in for a bit. "Oh, I can't stay long, my parents are expecting me back in a bit with a movie," I told her. However, when the two of us get to gabbing, especially when the topic is that of Holly, we are hard to stop. So, two hours later, I was telling her I should be on my way. We said our goodbyes, and I unlocked my car door and promptly sat on my cell (mobile, for you Brits) phone.

"Gah," I thought, "what a painnnnnn....WHAT THE HELL???!?!?!?!"

26 Missed Calls

"Oh sh*t," I think to myself, "someone's died!" I look to see who the calls were from...Home, Mom Cell, Sissy Cell, Brandon (ex-boyfriend at the time) Cell, Heidi Cell...this certainly cannot be good! Heart pounding, I call the first number back--Sissy Cell:

[Frantically Answers]: "Lanette???"

Me: "Sissy, what the heck is going on, I had 26 missed calls on my cell phone!"

S: "Lanette, where ARE you?"

M: "Me? I'm at the [Last name of people's] house, why?"

S: "Oh my God, Lanette, we have been looking for you everywhere!"

[My heart drops...this was about ME???]

S: "You don't even know how worried mom is, she's been crying for a good hour now. Daddy's driven all the way to Comfort, we've driven all around San Antonio, we've called everyone who knows you. Lanette, Mom's called the police and they're at the house!"

M: "WHAT?? Why, I've only been gone a short while!"

S: "Lanette, mom said you were supposed to meet them back at the house over 3 hours ago with a movie. When she couldn't get a hold of you, she started panicking and has been ever since! You need to get home RIGHT NOW!"

M: "Okay, okay, I'm on my way, just tell Mom I'm alright!"

So, I speed home, and sure enough, there's a police car, complete with flashing red an blue lights atop the vehicle. Officer James came walking up to me:

OJ: "You alright, young lady?"
Me: "Yes, I'm fine, is my mom okay? I can't believe this, I was only gone two hours!"
OJ: "She's pretty shook up, you should go in there and tell her you're alright. She said you were gone three."

So, I dashed into the house and found my sister staring at me with a look that could only be described as a combination of both irritation and fear, and my mom was slumped down in a chair, sobbing. I knelt down by my mother and said "Mom, I'm here now, everything's okay, I'm fine" but she was unable to answer or look at me, and soon, had to take some medicine and go to bed.

After hearing a bit more about how irresponsible I was, I let the emotions of the night overtake me, and I ran to my room and closed the door, sat on a chair and broke down into violent, shoulder-shanking sobs. Soon, my daddy, always the calm one in the family, knocked on my door.

Daddy: "Hey Sug (short for Sugar, it's what my parents call me)"
Me:"I...ughhh...did....ughhhh...n't....gahunhhh...mean....auhahahgh..."[cue violent, shoulder-shaking bawling].

Daddy then proceeded to calm me down by saying that Mom wasn't mad at me, she was just worried out of her mind, and that if anything ever happened to me, they wouldn't know what to do. Which I understood.

Some of you may be, her parents TOTALLY over-reacted. This very much may be the case, but that is just how they (well, my mom mostly) operate. My mother is a bundle of nerves, a cornucopia of paranoia with a large handful of worry just residing in her poor, overworked, inadequate-to-handle-such-stress body. She told me once that no matter how old I get, she will always see me as a 16 year old girl, whom the world is out to tear to shreds. And THAT is what I have to live with. But God bless her, the woman loves me.

So, after I calmed down and apologized to my sister and brother-in-law for them having to drive all around town looking for their sister's carnage, I fell into an exhausted sleep. I woke up only to find that my mother had fallen ill. She came into my room, however, to apologize for getting so worked up and upsetting me so much, and assured me that her getting the flu was nothing related to what I had caused the night before. I didn't believe her.

I did, however, get a nice little speech about how I have to be more responsible with my actions, and that there are several people out there that will always be wondering how I'm doing. If I don't respond to those people in a decent timeframe, they're going to start to imagine the worst. Blah, blah, blah, that went on for about an hour.

But I understood, I got the picture, I apologized, and I knew I screwed up. And THAT is how I ruined Mother's Day of 2004.

Fast-forward a year and a half, and I will unveil the events that caused me to regurgitate this story in the first place.

Extremely brief details (because I'm tired of typing and I'm sure you're tired of reading):
1.) Mom knew I was to be attending a wedding with a friend on Saturday.
2.) Mom also knew that the dress I was excited to be wearing was at the cleaners in my Hometown.
3.) Mom knew the cleaners closed at 1:00PM.
4.) Mom knew I was supposed to be coming out to their house before the wedding.
5.) Mom knew I had been sick the past couple of days.
6.) Because of me, Mom knew the phone numbers of my closest friends.

Picture Scenario:

I had a rough night on Friday. Nic called but I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Didn't get to bed until around 4:30AM. Slept in late on Saturday, because, despite my better judgment, I decided not to set an alarm. Woke up to very loud banging sound. Upon examining peephold, saw Nic standing outside my door.

"Crap," I think to myself, "was I suppose to meet her for something?"

Open door to be bombarded with a line of questioning to the tune of "Why haven't you been answering your phone?, Are you okay?, Do you know how worried your mother is? etc."

When seeing my completely puzzled look, Nic explained that my mom had called her, worried about me not answering her phone calls, and when Nic told her that I hadn't answered HER call the night before either, Mom lost it. She was about to drive to my apartment when Nic volunteered because she was only about 10 minutes away from me.

"Oh no," I cringed, "here we go again!" I asked Nic what time it was, she said 1:20PM (EEEK), then I look at my phone, which I had forgotten to switch off of vibrate, and see that I already have 7 missed calls.

Mom Cell
Sissy Cell

Great. Just perfect. So I call up Moms and get a proper ass-chewing of large proportions...phrases I've heard many times before in my short 24 years:

"Do you know how sick you're making me?"
"Do you ever THINK?"
"How irresponsible are you?"
"When someone calls you, answer your phone!"
"How can you be so STOOOOpid?"

And so on.

It ruined my day so much, and seeing as how my mom had picked up my dress for me without me asking because she knew the place was closing (normally a nice thing, but not when she holds it over your head), there was no way I was swallowing my pride and going to pick it up from her. No. Way. So no wedding in a beautiful dress for MOH. (Lucky for me my best guy friend is getting married in January, so I can wear it then!)

On Sunday, Mom called to apologize, but I was still quite heated about the whole thing and tried to explain to her that I was 24 years old, and had moved out to be on my OWN, and not under the watchful eye of Mother with every step I take, every move I make (oh yes, she'll be watching me.)

That spawned a whole other level of lecture from her, most of which I caught every other word while I impatiently hung the phone from my jaw, rolling my eyes for no one to see. I ended up hanging up on her after she'd asked me if I wanted to come out to the house that day. No, it wasn't the most sensitive and mature thing to do, but then, neither is blaming your adult daughter for your current illnesses.

I'm sure things will get patched up, they always do. My mom and I can fight something awful, but we have a bond that will never be severed, no matter how much I would like for it to be at times. I suppose it's true what they say: I'll know when I have kids. Poor things, I feel SO sorry for them!

Completely Random Thought: How many of y'all remember the movie Flowers in the Attic? I loved that movie when I was a kid. I'm sick and twisted like that.

Oh, and a speical thanks to HOT (aka: Him Over There, aka: Darling) for calming down my very frazzled nerves when I needed him the most. For being a long distance boyfriend, he sure is the best boyfriend I've ever had. He has a wonderful way of soothing me, which is no easy task when i'm so wound up.

Insignificance Conveyed @ 2:08 PM   6 GabbyGabbers

6 "Sure was sweet of you to drop in":

At 8:18 PM, Blogger Lauren "told me"

such a great writing style you have! i love reading your stuff. and your mom reminds me of mine to an extent(imagine that). :) I'm leaving for Guatemala in 3 days. . .and I doubt Mom is going to sleep well the whole time I'm out of the country. Moms. . .gotta love 'em. And you're right--someday we might very well remind us of our own mothers. . .goodness! But at the same time, what wonderful women to resemble, huh?

At 11:40 PM, Blogger Huw "told me"

I am beginning to become afeared of your mother...

Do you think I will be able to placate her with Vanilla Cokes?

At 4:25 AM, Blogger Jona "told me"

In true mother style, I'm going to ask : What were you thinking, going to bed at 4:30 when you had a wedding to prepare for the next morning?! Only joking, make the most of it whilst you can ;o) And your mothers attention. No one worries like moms, no matter how old the kids get :o)

I know I saw the movie Flowers in the Attic becuase I read the book and remember brow-beating some boyfriend to go with me. But I can barely recall it beyound the memory of thinking the movie was weak compared with the book. And in the book the mother was a selfish so and so! Maybe they strayed away from the original story line?

At 6:50 AM, Blogger Me Over Here "told me"

Lauren--Thanks so much! You mom will no doubt be a wreck until you get home, if she is anything like mine. I guess they never stop seeing us as their little girls. There are some things I would do differently than my mother, but overall, she is a wonderful role model for how a loving mother is supposed to be.

Huw--If you come bearing a Vanilla Coke, my mom may love you more than she loves me. An EXCELLENT first impression.

Jona--I'm an idiot who may be turning into an insomniac. And, I just remember watching FITA and being like, "that's so mean!" ('cause I was like, 9)...I should read the book (in addition to the 124 I already have on my list).

At 7:33 AM, Blogger trishy "told me"

OK, I've had to wipe the stunned look off my face, because for a moment I thought you were describing my own mother and I was thinking I had done it again. Your mother and mine must have been sisters in another life.

I, too, am 24 and I live in an apartment by myself about 15 mins. from my Mom and Dad and the house I grew up in. No matter how old I get, I am still that irresponsible teenager who is stupid and thoughtless and I NEVER answer my phone (even though I pretty much answer it every time except those times when it seems all hell has broken loose.)

My friend, I know your struggles. And it makes me so mad every time because the last thing I want to do is disappoint or hurt them. But I also know how incredibly lucky I am to have parents who care so much...ok maybe too much...but still lucky just the same!

PS I also loved the movie Flowers in the Attic. In Junior High, my friend Megan and I used to hang out in the attic of our garage and we drew flowers with chalk and called it FIA. (Flower in the Attic) I'm not kidding - the next time I'm at my parents', I will take pictures!

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Rob West "told me"

That story gave me a headache.

That's the very reason I DON'T answer the phone when I know it's my mom. But it's because she gives orders. And I have to take them, because I only live 10 minutes away and she can make me.

"Robby, Mrs. So-and-So's son Joey is getting married next weekend, you need to come." That's the phrase, you need to ______.

"I can't come, Mom, I have plans, I'm sorry."

"Don't be a jerk, Rob! These are your friends, Joey, you guys used to be such good buddies! Quit being a jerk!"

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate that this is a big deal, someone's wedding. But I have plans next weekend. And I try to explain to her that yeah, me and Joey were good friends when I was in 3rd grade, but they moved away when I was 9, and Mrs. So-and-So moved back into town when I was in college, so I haven't talked to any of them in 14 years, I don't even know Joey anymore, and while my Mom is free to have whatever friendships she wants, but a grown man (ugh, I hate saying that) I don't really think I have any obligation to honor any of her friendships on her behalf, by going to an awkward wedding of a kid I don't even know, simply because she spoke out of turn and said I'd be there, especially when I already have what I consider to be pretty important plans that weekend.

This of course launches a tirade about respecting yoru family and your friends and if I don't go then I don't respect anyone and that's not how she raised me, I'm going to hell when I die for breaking the 4th commandment, this is the kind of crap that caused me to be held back a year in school, blah blah blah blah....

I'd rather just return the calls I want, and claim I didn't get the messages I didn't want.


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